I never would have come this way looking for redemption.. All around me, la drame. I wish I could just .. I don't know. I poured my heart out to poor Denis last night. I don't know if he knew what to do with everything that I was giving him, but it felt nice to give it away, to feel that comfortable with someone to give it away. I know one thing that I'm so over. Waiting around. I'm so over waiting around for things to happen, being pathetically hopeful, feeling searing pain, remaining a broken person, experiencing jealousy, wishing, hoping, torturing myself, suffering, feeling pain. It's bittersweet because most of my creativity comes out of that pain, that sadness that I can crank into myself. And I want to be done with it. I don't care about my writing, my "art" anymore, I don't care, I'm ready to stop. What I was begging for all summer I am done with, I just want to quit. At the same time that I beg myself to quit, I know I will never be able to. I'm just so silly and pathetic.
Disclaimer: These are my personal thoughts, emotions and opinions -- they are not intended to offend or aggress upon anyone. Likewise, though I do appreciate a constructively critical comment on occasion, I prefer non-hateful and thoughtful comments with respect to myself. I shouldn't have any problems with that though, we're all grown ups here, right? Please note that any offensive, aggressive and anonymous comments will be deleted from my comments, notes and guestbook, as I like knowing that the rest of my readership doesn't have to read that trash. Also, the HTML on this design has been designed solely by myself, Amanda Neal, and song lyrics are from the song "Wild Horses" by Natasha Bedingfield.
Saturday, Oct. 15, 2005 ~ 2:32 p.m.
